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But how can we help our children develop self-control and use it to reach their full potential? In this article, we will explore some proven strategies that are rooted in brain science, psychology, and education. We will also share some practical tips and activities that you can use with your child to foster their self-control and unleash their talents.
Why Is Self-Control Important for Children and Adolescents?
Self-control is not only important for adults, but also for children and adolescents. Research has shown that self-control is linked to various positive outcomes, such as:
- Academic achievement: Self-control helps students to focus on their tasks, manage their time, resist distractions, and persist in the face of difficulties.
- Social and emotional well-being: Self-control helps children and teens to regulate their emotions, express themselves appropriately, empathize with others, and resolve conflicts.
- Health and safety: Self-control helps young people to make healthy choices, avoid risky behaviors, and protect themselves from harm.
On the other hand, lack of self-control can lead to various problems, such as:
- Poor performance: Low self-control can impair learning, memory, creativity, and problem-solving.
- Behavioral and mental issues: Low self-control can increase the risk of aggression, impulsivity, anxiety, depression, and addiction.
- Negative consequences: Low self-control can result in lower income, higher unemployment, criminal involvement, and chronic diseases.
Therefore, it is crucial to help our children and adolescents develop self-control as early as possible, as it can have a lasting impact on their future.
How Does Self-Control Work in the Brain?
To understand how to improve self-control, we need to understand how it works in the brain. Self-control is related to two key areas of the brain: the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex.
The limbic system is the "hot" part of the brain, located deep in the brain and responsible for basic emotions, instincts, and impulses. It is fully functional at birth and reacts quickly to stimuli, especially those that are rewarding or threatening. It is also the source of "Go!" responses, such as grabbing a cookie or running away from danger.
The prefrontal cortex is the "cool" part of the brain, located in the front of the brain and responsible for higher-order thinking, planning, and reasoning. It develops slowly and is not fully mature until the mid-20s. It is the source of "Stop!" responses, such as delaying gratification, weighing pros and cons, and considering consequences.
Self-control is the balance between the "hot" and "cool" parts of the brain. When we face a challenge, temptation, or impulse, we need to activate our prefrontal cortex to override our limbic system and make a rational decision. However, this is not always easy, as the limbic system is often stronger and faster than the prefrontal cortex, especially in stressful or emotional situations.
Some children and adolescents are naturally lower on self-control because they have a "hot-brain" bias, based on the genes they inherited. Their brains are more sensitive to rewards and threats, and less able to inhibit their impulses. However, this does not mean that they are doomed to fail. Self-control can be improved with practice, training, and support.
How to Enhance Self-Control in Children and Adolescents
There are many ways to help our children and adolescents boost their self-control and use it to achieve their potential. Here are some of the most effective strategies, based on scientific evidence and practical experience.
1. Provide a soothing area where children can calm down and focus
Getting children to take small breaks when they are completing work or during activities is a good way to foster self-control. When they are calm and focused, they are more likely to use their prefrontal cortex and make better decisions. You can create a soothing area in your home or classroom, where children can go when they feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or angry. The area should be quiet, comfortable, and free of distractions. You can also provide some calming tools, such as books, puzzles, coloring pages, music, or breathing exercises.
2. Help children to understand the impact of their decisions
One of the reasons why children and adolescents struggle with self-control is that they have difficulty imagining the future and anticipating the consequences of their actions. They tend to focus on the immediate rewards or costs, rather than the long-term outcomes. To help them develop a more future-oriented perspective, you can use the following techniques:
- Ask them to visualize the future: For example, if they want to buy a new toy, ask them to imagine how they will feel after they buy it, and how they will feel if they save their money for something else. If they want to skip their homework, ask them to imagine how they will feel the next day, and how they will feel if they finish their work on time.
- Ask them to compare the alternatives: Such as, if they want to eat a candy, ask them to compare the taste and the health effects of the candy and a fruit. If they want to play a video game, ask them to compare the fun and the benefits of the game and a physical activity.
- Ask them to think about the consequences for themselves and others: For example, if they want to lie to their teacher, ask them to think about how they will feel if they get caught, and how their teacher will feel if they find out. If they want to hit their sibling, ask them to think about how they will feel if they hurt them, and how their sibling will feel if they get hurt.
3. Give children reasonable choices whenever possible
Giving children choices is a great way to empower them and increase their sense of autonomy and responsibility. When they have some control over their own actions, they are more likely to exercise self-control and follow through with their decisions. However, the choices should be reasonable and appropriate for their age and situation. You can use the following tips to give children choices:
- Limit the number of options: Too many options can overwhelm children and make them indecisive or impulsive. It is better to give them two or three options to choose from, rather than a long list of possibilities.
- Make the options clear and specific: Children need to understand what each option entails and what the expectations and consequences are. For example, instead of saying "Do you want to do your homework now or later?", you can say "You can do your homework now and then watch TV, or you can watch TV now and do your homework later. But if you choose the second option, you will have less time to play with your friends."
- Respect their choices and follow through: Once children make a choice, you should respect it and not try to change their mind or interfere with their actions. You should also follow through with the agreed-upon expectations and consequences, and praise them for their efforts and achievements.
4. Give kids opportunities to learn about self-control through play
Play is a natural and fun way for children to learn and practice self-control. Through play, they can explore different scenarios, experiment with different strategies, and experience the rewards and challenges of self-control. There are many types of games and activities that can enhance self-control, such as:
- Memory games: These games require children to remember and recall information, such as words, numbers, colors, or shapes. They can improve their working memory, which is essential for self-control. Examples of memory games are Simon Says, I Spy, and Memory Match.
- Strategy games: These games require children to plan, organize, and execute their actions, such as moving pieces, solving puzzles, or building structures. They can improve their cognitive flexibility, which is the ability to switch between different tasks and rules. Examples of strategy games are Chess, Sudoku, and Lego.
- Cooperation games: These games require children to work together, communicate, and share with others, such as teammates, partners, or opponents. They can improve their social skills, which are important for self-control. Examples of cooperation games are Charades, Pictionary, and Relay Races.
Essentially, self-control is a vital skill for children and adolescents, as it can help them to achieve their goals, cope with stress, and avoid negative outcomes. Self-control is influenced by the balance between the "hot" and "cool" parts of the brain, which can vary depending on the genes, environment, and situation. However, self-control can be improved with practice, training, and support. self-control is a vital skill that can help us all achieve our goals and improve our lives. It is the ability to choose the option that aligns with our long-term goals, rather than the option that satisfies our immediate desires.
